A New Life Seeing Color- From Desperation to Hope
“I wanted to die. I didn’t want to live another day. I prayed to God that He would just end me. I hated myself. I hated God.” Words of desperation and words of honesty. Beth didn’t have hope for a future when she was at the point in her life where she so desperately wanted a way out. Even if it meant being dead. For years, Beth was held in prison, sometimes actual prison, but more so a prison with the life of drugs, abusive relationships, and homelessness.
From being a small-town girl in the state of Missouri, Beth grew up with 7 brothers and sisters along with her mom and stepdad. Beth’s biological father played no role in her life, he was swept away in the life of alcoholism and was abusive physically to Beth’s mom. The house the family was raised in was a small, 2-bedroom home, tiny but had lots of love. Love for each other and the love for being a kid, no worries in the world. Beth was well taken care of, her family was poor, but as a kid, she had no idea she was poor. Her dad always took care of her, making sure there was hot food on the dinner table each night and Christmas presents underneath the Christmas tree. Her needs were met.
At the age of 18, the innocence of childlike wonder went away, and adult life seemed to sneak in where Beth felt she needed love. But love in all the wrong places. By 18, Beth found herself pregnant with a boyfriend she had during that time but didn’t stay with. She was on her own to take care of a newborn, living off welfare in an apartment and found herself writing letters to a man she had never met who was in prison. The love letters soon turned into a marriage from hell, abusive and self-destructive, he introduced her to the love of her life, Methamphetamine. At just 21 years old, Beth was addicted to meth, had a toddler, and was beaten up most nights where her face would be unrecognizable. After one night of an angry husband deciding to beat her to a pulp, hearing her son scream, “Daddy, daddy please stop hitting mommy.” Beth had to leave. So, she did and stayed with a friend, but unfortunately after a visit to the emergency room she decided not to press charges on the man who had disfigured her face. Instead, she went back to him, she says, “I loved him… he was all I had.” All to find out during her strong addiction to meth and being beaten, Beth had been pregnant again with her second son.
After moving her family to another home, two children, still on drugs, and a husband who never changed, the life of pain continued. All she wanted was relief from the pain she was in. So, doping up anytime she could every single day was her peace, was her hope, was something she couldn’t stop doing. Her then husband ended up in prison because of breaking his parole, which left Beth alone to fend for herself to take care of two kids. With no stable income coming in, and her craze addiction for that next high, along with no work experience, Beth went into desperation mode which led her to a life of two new abusive husbands.
The money she earned most of the time didn’t end up helping her children, it went to feed the beast that had her leashed, meth. This dangerous cycle led her to spend time behind bars for a full year but still her mind was focused on getting her hands on some dope.
After her time spent in prison Beth’s heart hadn’t quite changed yet, she went straight to another abusive relationship after her third husband. She needed a place to stay, so in exchange for a roof over her head and to not go homeless, she gave herself away to a man who said she was worthless. She said, “I had no place to go. He would call me ugly and useless but would still use me. I didn’t know what to do other than stay.”
Rock bottom hit, Beth was in a hole but didn’t know how to crawl out of it. She decided, even though she had no place to go, to leave her boyfriend which led to couch hopping, soon ending up on the streets with nowhere to go. A friend at the time decided to give Beth a gracious gift, he gave her a truck so she could leave the state of Missouri to go find a new beginning, a new life. And that is what she did, on October 15th, 2021, Beth made her journey to Colorado Springs, Colorado to start fresh. She knew one person when she arrived, her best friend Leighann who housed her for a while, but Beth didn’t overstay her welcome and ended up living out of her truck on the streets.
But then, God showed up for Beth. Leading Beth to proactively search the internet for a job. She wasn’t willing to go back to life of drugs and toxic relationships, it was time to rely on God and herself to provide. That’s when she saw a job listing at The Colorado Springs Salvation Army working in the maintenance team. Beth Said, “I applied online, got an interview, and was hired, God opened the door. I finally was seeing somewhat of a future for myself.” Soon after landing a steady income for herself, Beth still couldn’t quite afford an apartment yet and was still sleeping in her truck. Workers from the Salvation Army caught wind of Beth’s struggle in finding a home and didn’t hesitate to step into action for her. Leading her to Salvation Army resources to help her find affordable housing and to help her with the downpayment for an apartment.
Beth is now off the streets, sober, working, and is now building a life. “If it weren’t for The Salvation Army, I would be dead right now. They have been the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I have fully surrendered myself to God, I used to not like him, but now I rely on Him.”
Beth now can dream; she has hope and a future. She wears her work uniform every day at The Salvation Army which she is so proud of, because her name is written on the front right pocket, “I never had my name on anything… it feels good to be known and loved here. I see colors now, being on drugs all the time my view was always tainted… never saw color. Now I look at the mountains and see blues and greens. I see God. And The Salvation Army has given me the chance to dream again. Someday, I want to own land so I can drink a cup of coffee right off my porch and stare at the mountains and see the colors. All of them.”